"Physically Satisfying" - a review of Nick Douglas' 'Twitter Wit' compilation for HarperCollins

"Twitter Wit" review by B. Compton

B. Compton (Lexington, KY USA) was selected by Besttweets.com in March 2009 as one of our Top Twitterati.

I gave this book five stars even though it is not literally the most perfect book ever made. (That would be a little book I like to call Auto Repair For Dummies.) Here is a very even-handed review of the book:

PROS:
* Rolls up easily into a tube to serve as a make-shift telescope with startlingly clear 1:1 magnification
* Will work in a pinch to kill insects smaller than the book, if swung with gusto and palpated terror
* Contains tweets from many of my friends
* Found in the top drawer of every hotel room in which Nick Douglas has ever stayed
* Includes handy pull-out section for you to write in your own tweets
* Puzzles: Some tweets contain secret, anagrammed messages! (Page 82 has a DOOZY)

CONS:
* Also contains tweets from several of my mortal enemies (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)
* Covers are very floppy, almost like they're made out of paper
* Smells delightfully of lilac
* Will bring a smile to the grumpiest of literate faces
* Prompts everyone who was in the book to write a silly review of it
* No answer key or teacher's edition

In the end, your annoying insect infestation won't stand a chance against this tiny powerhouse. I WILL IGNORE ALL REBUTTALS OF THIS REVIEW FROM INSECTS AND INSECTOIDS.

 

The Twitties are awarded annually to top Twitterers in a dozen categories, including Flirty Tweets, Best Breaking News and Best Avatar.

"We were sitting around the office joking about the need for awards for the best Tweets," said Charlie Chambers of iFractal, the consulting firm that created the contest, in an interview. "So, we registered the site, wrote up the copy and designed it as a side project." The 2008 Twitties contest was held in September and received more than 1,200 entries.

"We pared down those nominations in a grueling overtime deathmatch on the office floor," said Chambers. He and his cohorts selected 65 entries to compete across the 12 categories.

Nominated tweets range from the outrageous -- "Best Imagined Tweet: "Having the worst sex ever. I don't know, I just can't seem to get into it.", posted by user GorillaSushi -- to the informative: "Are you ready to celebrate? Well, get ready: We have ICE!!!!! Yes, ICE, *WATER ICE* on Mars! w00t!!! Best day ever!!" posted by NASA spacecraft MarsPhoenix. Winners received an embeddable badge for their Twitter pages.

The way Twitter is growing, the boys at iFractal will have their work cut out for 2009 Twitties: with three million tweets being written each day, there will be over a billion new candidates for the 2009 awards. We will try to make their work a little easier by submitting your BestTweets favorites in September 09.

The twelve 2008 category winners were:

Best Tweet
	MissRFTC I am totally serious. My Ob/Gyn was IN my vagina and an earthquake started rattling the room! 02:44 PM July 29, 2008
Funniest Tweet
	wilw When I was a kid, our footie pajamas weren't flame retardant. GodDAMN, we were hardcore. 03:20 PM August 06, 2008
Smartest Tweet
	MarsPhoenix Iron Chef on Mars? Set the oven to 1003 degrees Celsius (1837 F) and baked a soil sample and find secret ingredients :D Minerals, that is. 06:16 PM June 17, 2008
Best Avatar
	androo
Most Informative Tweet
	MarsPhoenix The friendly dirt has salts and nutrients magnesium, sodium, potassium and chloride. And pH of 8. You could grow asparagus, say scientists. 05:16 PM June 26, 2008
Best use of Twitter for Breaking News
	MarsPhoenix Are you ready to celebrate? Well, get ready: We have ICE!!!!! Yes, ICE, *WATER ICE* on Mars! w00t!!! Best day ever!! 05:14 PM June 19, 2008
Best Putdown
	hotdogsladies Oh, no. Don't "leave Twitter." But, if you must, for the love of God, PLEASE post a long explanation. So our children can know your story. 06:49 AM July 26, 2008
Snarkiest Tweet
	brianleroux Speaking of offensive, douche beside me in line is reading over my shoulder. Heh. 05:37 PM July 22, 2008
Dopiest Tweet
	popgloss Is it wrong that I secretly wish I could text in the tanning bed? Twelve minutes of doing nothing can sometimes be so difficult. 05:40 PM April 14, 2008
Best Use of Twitter for Business
	BruceAdcock I laughed, I cried; unfortunately, this was all highly inappropriate for the fiscal subcommittee meeting I was in. 03:14 PM April 11, 2008
Best Flirt
	lintondavies My rhymes are so potent that in this small segment i got all of the ladies in my twitter stream pregnant 07:33 AM July 31, 2008
Best Straightman
	tj I told him about a problem. He said he'd "throw some bodies at it." He's a mortician. The problem was a sinkhole. I'm trying not to worry. 08:08 AM July 11, 2008