The Best Tweets of October 2009 or:
 | thedayhascome Scientologists convicted of fraud? I would like to hear what Xenu, the galactic ruler, has to say about these allegations. |
 | toldorknown Especially damning was the NW188 pilot's Facebook status update: "ZOMG! Just overshot our destination! Hope nobody noticed LOL" |
 | FakeSarahPalin Thinking of strapping myself to a balloon to get relevant again. |
 | nicedream If she admits the dinner she made tastes bad, do NOT agree. It's a trick. |
 | poeks If my sister feels you've become too accustomed to her crazy driving, she'll throw in a few highway text messages to shake things up. |
 | ange_black After three days in bed, the memory foam in my mattress is probably wishing it could forget me. |
 | MsHiss Remember all of those times I said I rule? I kinda lied. |
 | aedison If you don't think Obama deserves that Nobel, then you've never seen Sasha and Malia fight. |
 | kolchak National poetry day is not an excuse for you to take your time in making my Americano.
Leaves rustle. My heart aches.
There will be blood. |
| | kolchak Today is allegedly FOX news' thirteenth birthday. I've yet to see the certificate. |
 | capricecrane In South Florida, a priest got a stripper pregnant. No word on what the Rabbi, the bartender & horse were doing. |
 | zolora I object. Just, in general. |
 | badbanana An Xbox signed by Sarah Palin is being sold for $1.1 million. Laugh now, but imagine how much it'll be worth if the Xbox becomes president. |
 | StephenAtHome the mountain goats would have a twitter page if the crushing emptiness of life could be expressed in 140 characters |
 | damselesque Two-out-of-two cats agree: I am snuggly. |
| | kolchak Hackers have exposed a slew of hotmail account passwords, which could be potentially damaging to all of us six years ago. |
 | hotdogsladies Looking forward to tonight's sporting event. I hold very strong feelings about who should prevail, based on factors that include geography. |
 | trelvix They delivered the Yellow Pages to our office today. The web guys are keeping a close eye on these strange visitors from the past. |
 | adamisacson Gmail and Google Calendar let me keep my work-related stresses "in the cloud." But I keep a backup copy in my neck and shoulder muscles. |
 | carrmah I'm at home watching Monsters vs. Aliens & as soon as the in-laws leave, we'll probably pop in a movie. |
| | badbanana In retrospect, Oprah should have offered the International Olympics Committee something more than just KFC coupons. |
 | themikestand Her: I can't go to the gym. My friend isn't going!
Me: I think you're confusing "gym" with "ark". You can go to the gym alone. |
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