The Best Tweets of June 2009 or:
Issues dominating Twitter this month ranged from the large to the very small - from human rights issues in China & Iran
and the North Korean missile threat, to President Obama's deadly aim when he swatted a fly during a CNBC
interview. CNN is ridiculed for its prolific use of tweets as a news source and @banana offers his cynical take on
the role of Twitter in international relations: "China
has blocked Twitter. Now 1.3 billion people will have no idea what I'm having for lunch."
 | rsmallbone Little
girl to her daddy at the grocery store: "When I grow up, I'm gonna CHEW GUM!"
They can't all be Nobel Prize winners. June 29th 2009 |
 | smilinbjones If
you say, "I'm sleeping with a woman in her 40s" to wish your wife a happy 40th birthday, you'd better be
ready to duck.
Trust me. 1:37 AM Jun 27th |
 | biorhythmist Is
there anything more embarrassing than waving back at someone who wasn't waving at you? I mean besides tweeting
about it. 6:40 AM Jun 26th |
 | vmarinelli "Can
I interrupt your reading with a question?"
"You just did."
"Fine! Can I ask a second question?"
"You just did." 5:55 PM Jun 24th |
 | ChiNurse Today's
forecast: Irrational irritability, with a slight chance of napping. 4:02 AM Jun 24th |
 | catdog03 Daughter:You
know that boy U hate? Well Im dating him. Me:I don't hate him, in fact I think hes cute. Daughter:Crap, wish
you'd told me. 12:11 PM Jun 23rd |
 | Gruber I don’t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is buying a new iPhone every summer. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling. 11:02 AM Jun 19th, 2009 |
 | rowanpettett North
Korea's fly-mounted spy camera program suffered a setback this week. 1:03 AM Jun 19th |
 | President Obama displays the reflexes of a highly trained ninja when he swats a fly during a live TV interview at the White House. A few days later, on Father's Day, @Yayaa writes: |
 | Yayaa Somewhere
there's a baby fly without a father. Thanks OBAMA! 9:31 AM Jun 21st |
| | vmarinelli There
are ways in which I have not yet embarrassed my children today, but there are several hours remaining, and
I am ambitious. 8:35 AM Jun 19th |
 | stevewhitaker COFFEEHOUSE,
MORNING.
Cute barista: (flirty remark)
My brain: (sound of electrical problem)
My mouth: Mmmphrg.
END SCENE 1:09 AM Jun 19th |
 | essdogg The
sound that's made when I drum on my stomach has gone from Bongo to Timpani. This is an unwelcome development. 3:34 PM Jun 18th |
 | badbanana The
restaurant across the street has gone out of business. I will miss wondering how it stays open. 6:26 AM Jun 18th |
 | adamisacson "CNN:
Reading Twitter To Old People Since 2009." 7:13 PM Jun 17th |
 | katefeetie Words
can’t describe the series of expressions on my mom’s face when I told her I got dates at the grocery store.
The fruit, mom. The fruit. 7:08 AM Jun 17th |
 | nonsequiturific Hubby,
peering into sparsely populated liquor cabinet: "I'm an artist and I can't work under these conditions." 2:24 PM Jun 16th |
 | gordonshumway Guys,
I just vacuumed up the biggest spider ever. On a related note, who would like to buy a vacuum cleaner? Gently
used. 10:18 AM Jun 16th |
| | adamisacson Housing
starts increased in May. Good news. But if you've ever hired a contractor, you know housing _finishes_ are
the statistic to watch. 9:31 AM Jun 16th |
| | badbanana I
nailed it. For some reason, lunch comes easily to me. 7:22 AM Jun 16th |
 | thedayhascome I
drove an hour in traffic to sit in a cubicle with a computer that doesn't appreciate I'm wearing a funny
tie or living the American Dream. 4:34 AM Jun 16th |
 | joesmithreally Daughter,
5: Daddy, the... Dad: PLEASE don't say my name before EVERY sentence.
5: Your name's Joe, not Daddy.
Admit defeat now or later? 2:38 PM Jun 15th |
| | smilinbjones That
was either a really big bug that hit my windshield or Disney's going to have to start auditioning for a new
Tinkerbell. 2:08 PM Jun 15th |
| | Yayaa Me: "I
love you mom."
Mom: "Like a mule loves its wagon."
This message brought to you by the makers of Menopause. 4:10 PM Jun 14th |
 | zolora I
wish I could use my electric razor without worrying that my roommate's wondering what I'm up to. 4:09 PM Jun 14th |
 | Trick_or_tweet Her: "OMG!
THERE'S A TICK ON MY BOWL!"
Me: "It's called a 'watermelon seed.' In my day, we had to spit those out. Up hill. Without shoes." 2:45 PM Jun 14th |
 | beep Cabbie's
apparently never heard of "Cambridge," "Mass Ave," or "the stripe they put in the middle of the road to keep
death at bay." 8:33 AM Jun 13th |
 | TheBloggess I've
been in NYC for two hours and haven't been mugged yet. Feeling kind of ripped off 12:42 PM Jun 12th |
 | msteciuk I've
been listening to this song on repeat for so long, IT got sick of ME. 11:47 AM Jun 12th |
 | cabel Everything
you need to know about me and vegetables can be found in this shopping list from Nicole: "2 Zucchinis (they
look like cucumbers)" 7:52 AM Jun 12th |
 |
RexHuppke Kim
Jong Il has given his son the title "Brilliant Comrade." My dad once did the same for me, only in English
it's pronounced "dipshit." 5:40 AM Jun 12th |
 | joeschmitt If
Ahmadinejad loses today's election, he plans to deny the election ever happened. 3:47 AM Jun 12th |
 | CranberryPerson Ok,
go to your room for disrespecting your mother's hard work making dinner, but A++ for creativity for calling
them "stenchiladas." 2:01 PM Jun 11th |
| | biorhythmist It's
not your fault. Now you know for next time: The correct response to "Would you date her if I died?" is not "Yeah,
but way after." 8:15 AM Jun 11th |
 | yowhatsthehaps Roommate
turns on "When Sharks Attack".
1 min later: "OH NO! I DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL!"
Dude. It wasn't called "When Sharks Go For Tea". 7:45 PM Jun 10th |
| | adamisacson My
cats aren't interested in the toy mice I gave them today. But I wasn't interested in the starling they gave
me last year. So we're even. 7:24 PM Jun 10th |
| | katefeetie A
bug crawled between my boobs during that last tweet, but I finished it anyway.
This kind of heroicism gets a day named after me, right? 5:37 PM Jun 10th |
| | essdogg I
taught the boy to say "Boom Shakalaka" today. You call it the Terrible 2's. I call it a beautifully blank
canvas. 2:57 PM Jun 9th |
| | joeschmitt Someone
at Google just claimed YouTube was the biggest office timewaster. I'll need to see their data. Clearly they
aren't on Twitter. 5:44 AM Jun 9th |
 | nick Ashton
Kutcher tweeted a book on economics while my other friends all made identical "need coffee" jokes. I hate
when celebs ruin Twitter. 4:24 AM Jun 9th |
| | adamisacson I
feel reflective today, like Thoreau. But without the pond.
Or the cabin.
Or the peace and quiet.
I guess I feel just like I do every day. 4:02 AM Jun 9th |
 | texburgher "You
can make the bonfire bigger if you blast it with the leaf blower!"
Ladies and gentlemen: my son, Jack. NASCAR champion, 2029. 1:33 AM Jun 9th |
| | smilinbjones Very
proud of myself. I rollerbladed over 5 miles today.
It was on our treadmill, but still. I had to keep them really, really straight. 3:42 PM Jun 8th |
 | jasonpermenter [WWDC
UPDATE] Glitch in updated iPhone OS bends space-time. Developers will be working on the issue since 1978.
#wwdc 8:05 AM Jun 8th |
| | adamisacson "Why
do you need to hold your teddy bear on the subway anyway?" I asked my 4-year-old, as I clutched my iPhone
tenderly to my chest. 3:22 AM Jun 8th |
| | vmarinelli Pretty
sure the neighbors describe us to other neighbors as "THOSE NEIGHBORS." 5:33 PM Jun 7th |
| | @tinymel96
Thats so us!
|
 | theduty ˙ɟɟo
ssıd & noʎ ʞuɐɥʇ
˙looʇsɹɐq ǝɥʇ uo ʞɔɐq ǝɯ ʇnd & dn ǝɯ ʞɔıd ǝsɐǝld
˙˙˙sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ noʎ ɟı 11:37 AM Jun 7th |
| | |
| | zolora I
just found $20 under my bed! My god, my room is so desperate to be cleaned, it's paying me. THE PLAN WORKED. 5:11 AM Jun 7th |
 | ange_black Daughter: "Your
twitter jokes aren't funny. They're too witty."
Is it illegal to club a kid to death with a dictionary? 2:15 PM Jun 6th |
| | zolora That
sneeze attack was like a family visit: terrible, relentless, and overpowering, but I'm still a little sad
it's over. 6:16 AM Jun 6th |
| | joeschmitt Twitter
maintenance on a Friday night? They really haven't been listening if they think we won't notice because we're
all out having a life. 3:39 PM Jun 5th |
| | CranberryPerson At
the in-laws, where drinking is not social lubrication as much as it is a survival skill. 3:14 PM Jun 5th |
 | dooce Some
apparel company just sent me a set of fancy maternity underwear which means I am now the proud owner of a
lace-trimmed circus tent. 6:57 AM Jun 4th |
 | yhf Oldest
didn't tell a teacher when youngest hit him at day care. He told me, "It's a family problem." I feel like
Don Corleone. 3:51 AM Jun 4th |
| | essdogg Me:
Happy anniversary, sweetie. I'm very happy that you're my wife. Wife: Thanks. I'm very happy for you, too. 2:55 PM Jun 3rd |
 | ampersandwich Sun
comes out. I open door. Sun disappears. I close door. Sun comes out.
Sun has been getting lessons from the cat. 9:43 AM Jun 3rd |
 | AmyJane The
question he's been waiting for: Jonas just asked John what the internet is. I've got to get out of here. 8:38 AM Jun 3rd |
| |
@Nanpy (Sheila Booth) comments: Sooo true, be careful..... |
 | ShawnaF Crappy
kid's chair: $14. Nice kid's chair: $25-$50.
Upside down bucket: $1.50.
(which also is a drum and stores toys)
I win SO hard. 7:54 AM Jun 3rd |
| | rsmallbone After
his behaviour today, our 8 year-old is so grounded, HIS kids won't be allowed outside until they're 14. 4:37 PM Jun 2nd |
| | badbanana Did
I hear that right? North Korea's next leader will be Lil' Kim? That's going the wrong way on the crazy scale. 2:28 PM Jun 2nd |
 | arjunbasu This
was the literal end of the road. The map said so. The GPS confirmed it. And the arguments they'd had trumped
all forms of cartography. 9:50 AM Jun 2nd |
| | badbanana China
has blocked Twitter. Now 1.3 billion people will have no idea what I'm having for lunch. 3:26 AM Jun 2nd |
 | myracles It's
so early and there are people in cars and stuff outside doing things.
Stop doing things, people in cars and stuff. 2:42 AM Jun 2nd |
 |
superfantastic Internal
monologue:
"Don't snooze again, just get up."
"But I don't want to."
"It's a compelling argument that you make."
I won me over. 2:09 AM Jun 2nd |
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