January's Best Tweets or:
January 2009
was a month
that saw Twitter
buzzing with
that now iconic
image
of an
Airbus ditching
with no loss
of life in
the Hudson
River, the
US and world
economies in
crisis and
Barack Obama’s
inauguration
as the 44th
President
of
the United
States.
 | stephenfry 600 people went to the theatre, not to to see Oliver but to compete in a paper & chocolate wrapper rustling competition.Others came to cough 10:48 PM Jan 31st |
 | strutting Ever have one of those days where the fake band you make up to impress girls already exists? I give you: HARDVARK. http://tr.im/duji 6:03 AM Jan 31st |
| | strutting I don't think we've met. Maybe you recognize me from my band? HARDVARK? 1:59 PM Jan 30th |
 | badbanana On the bright side, the U.S. economy can fit into those old jeans again. 4:29 AM Jan 30th |
 | wordshepherd In a hilarious prank on the incoming president, all the 0s are missing from the country's GDP. 1:15 PM Jan 20th |
 | Aimee_B_Loved Dad: "So, what do they teach in memory class?" Gramma: "Lots of things. Associative... associative something. I don't really remember." 10:49 AM Jan 31st |
 | essdogg We've now been in our house for a week and love it. I'm going to cherish every moment between now and foreclosure. 2:30 AM Jan 31st |
 | robot_operator I'm the one who always has a witty comeback an hour too late. Twitter is like a dream come true for people like me. 8:00 AM Jan 30th |
 | bcompton The most recent resume I can find is from 2006. To fill in the unemployed periods I'm going with "minor time machine mishap." 5:14 PM Jan 29th |
 | sween 1) Watch women walking ahead of me slip on ice.
2) Mentally write tweet about her slipping.
3) Slip on ice.
4) Mentally rewrite tweet. 11:02 AM Jan 29th |
 | zolora Plucked one eyebrow, but am too lazy to pluck other one. Instead I shall live out the rest of my life looking suspiciously intrigued. 8:37 AM Jan 29th |
 | nictate Upside of the economic crisis: My sympathy for homeless people has been replaced with envy of their headstart in street survival skills. 1:24 PM Jan 28th |
 | weirdsmobile Reading 1996 issue of Gourmet. Pre-Bush Administration magazines make me sad. The Mussels in Romesco Sauce look so innocent...so carefree. 11:28 AM Jan 28th |
 | katefeetie I can't be expected to make serious, life-altering decisions. Do they know how many tweets I've typed, retyped and then not sent? Do they? 9:38 AM Jan 28th |
 | Remiel I'm proactively rewarding myself in advance for not procrastinating later by taking a nap right now. 8:00 AM Jan 28th |
| | badbanana I'm looking forward to complaining about summer weather. 4:26 AM Jan 28th |
 | AuntMarvel THE BABY JUST CALLED ME MAMA! I think. Maybe. 5:26 PM Jan 27th |
 | krabigail @emmyinabox MOM STOP EMBARASSING ME IN FRONT OF MY INTERNET FRIENDS 5:04 PM Jan 27th |
 | baileygenine is there a way i can check my text messages online? my phone is waayy over there..fine, i'll get up. 2:18 PM Jan 27th |
 | secretsquirrel "Is that your 2000th tweet?" she says flirtatiously.
"Yes," he muses, swirling his brandy. "I had it framed and... mounted."
*BOWCHICKAWOOW* 1:33 PM Jan 27th |
 | melodik GUESS WHO inadvertently bought carbonated H2O? Then GUESS WHO went to open the shaken bottle in the MIDDLE OF CLASS? 12:47 PM Jan 27th |
 | BigBraveBeagle Arooo! Arooorooroorooroo! Bowoooowooowooooooow! Wooooooowooowoo! Woof! Woof! Woof....... woof. Harumpf. 7:17 AM Jan 27th |
 | Moltz @lonelysandwich I was *so* not into things before not being into things was a thing. 10:03 AM Jan 27th |
 | darthvader The bad news is we had to let go of about 8,000 clone troopers today. The good news is it really only counts as 1. 5:49 PM Jan 26th |
 | abigvictory "I taught the dog a new trick! Watch this!"
He points at dog and says "Look cute!"
I want to roll my eyes but damn, that dog IS cute. 3:31 PM Jan 26th |
 | alinasmith You know what's tough?
Times.
Times are tough. 2:30 PM Jan 26th |
 | srslainey making a list of my nemisises. nemesi. nemisus. ENEMIES! 2:26 PM Jan 26th |
 | paulapoundstone I just ate about a hundred Wheat Thins, and I'm not any thinner at all. These things don't work. 2:16 PM Jan 26th |
 | pheend Dear Satan,
Can I sell my soul in exchange for you making Rush Limbaugh go away?
Disregard if you're one and the same.
Let me know.
pheend 2:01 PM Jan 26th |
 | A_Brianstorm The Chinese might be beating us in the "economy" game these days, but they are WAY behind us with the whole New Year thing. 11:24 AM Jan 26th |
| | AuntMarvel Husband wound up in the ER with chest pain. I was almost done planning my match.com profile when we learned it was just a strained muscle. 11:22 AM Jan 26th |
 | tehawesome I listen to music to relax while I work, only the music just distracts me so much that I stop working altogether. Which is relaxing. 9:06 AM Jan 26th |
 | glessner My boss didn't like that I put his new article in a pile labeled "Things That Will Be Irrelevant By The Time I Get Around To Reading Them." 6:28 AM Jan 26th |
 | TBMimsTheThird I currently have four Microsoft Office products open on my Mac. I forget. Does that mean locust plague or rain of frogs? 3:34 PM Jan 25th |
 | CranberryPerson When he asked about the middle finger, his mom said "you should never do that." "At least until you are driving," I felt compelled to add. 3:29 PM Jan 25th |
| | TBMimsTheThird Cutest kid ever after Mom dropped keys: "Oh, emmer effer."
It's why I didn't get boys. Civilization's decline doesn't need encouragement. 2:41 PM Jan 25th |
 | CcSteff If you were old enough to wear it the first time it was popular, you're too old to wear it the second time around. 10:47 AM Jan 25th |
 | twoname My mouth tastes like what I would imagine the Internet tastes like. 6:25 AM Jan 25th |
 | zeldman If New York gets any colder, I'll have foreign policy experience. 3:23 AM Jan 25th |
| | baileygenine WHOOO TOTALLY CRAZY SATURDAY NIGHT!!!!
unrelated: what i'm doing. 6:19 PM Jan 24th |
| | abigvictory Not getting any sick sympathy at home, so I come to twitter for fake concern. I HAVE THE PLAGUE, PEOPLE. 2:36 PM Jan 24th |
 | tj Wondered why I was feeling all out-of-sorts. Then realized I haven't had any chocolate cake today. It's like I've lost touch with who I am. 4:38 PM Jan 24th |
 | texburgher People who think this wine bar is snooty wouldn't know a Chateau Lagrange bordeaux from a Gli Occhi Blu Di Sabrina. 2:02 PM Jan 24th |
| | baileygenine Thanks twitter for making me miss my train stop. At 1230. Alone. At balboa park.
Related: pepperspray. 10:30 PM Jan 23rd |
 | kayhan Me: "Besides, I star lots of your tweets. You haven't starred one of mine in days."
Wife: "I star your funny ones." 4:40 PM Jan 23rd |
 | leftbrainstupid Dear Homeless: I appreciate your heartfelt “God bless you” in exchange for my dollar, but the way I’m going “God help us” might work better.... 2:50 PM Jan 23rd |
| | alinasmith Ooh do you hear that? It's the sound of the economy crushing a few of my coworkers. 10:17 AM Jan 23rd |
 | kimproper Friend: "I just slipped on some ice and took a nose dive." Me: "OMG is your iPh-- ARE YOU OKAY?!" 7:37 AM Jan 23rd |
| | badbanana Some of the inaugural music was pre-recorded? Makes me wonder if Aretha Franklin's hat was CGI. 6:44 AM Jan 23rd |
 | rsmallbone Me: "♫Papa was a rolling stoooooone...♫"
5yr-old: "Do you know everyone in the family hates your singing?" 4:41 AM Jan 23rd |
 | sniffyjenkins It was a big decision, and one I didn't make lightly, but I've decided to unfollow today's to-do list. 1:13 AM Jan 23rd |
| | zeldman SM=Social Media? Oh, man, did I wear the wrong gear to this party. 3:47 PM Jan 22nd |
 | swamibooba What if a guy is joking around with a pregnancy test and it turns positive? I'm asking for a friend. 3:15 PM Jan 22nd |
 | DieLaughing I'm trying to compose a list of First World Problems but I can't decide what font to use. 7:14 AM Jan 22nd |
 | nevenmrgan Obama is going to wear out that big Undo button on his desk. 5:36 AM Jan 22nd |
 | melissagira Today I'm 31. That's like 80 in Facebook years. 11:25 PM Jan 21st |
 | afishwick playing some serious Monopoly with the gf. i keep staring at her community chest 7:46 PM Jan 21st |
 | earlkabong Having finally run out of excuses, I have decided it is way past time to invent some new ones. Is brain gout a thing? Yeah, I have that. 2:09 PM Jan 13th |
 | joeschmitt Where's my 35 hour work week & 2 months off? McCain promised if Obama was elected, we'd get French socialism. I want my French socialism! 6:03 AM Jan 21st |
 | LILWAYNESWORLD ... are we just going to pretend like aretha franklin's hat didn't happen? 1:00 AM Jan 21st |
 | scottsimpson We are cooler than Canada again. The natural order of the universe has been restored. 5:48 PM Jan 20th |
 | joeschmidt Just think how different today might have been had that Al-Qaeda pretzel succeeded in it's mission 7 years ago. 5:42 PM Jan 20th |
 | vmarinelli Watching footage of George W. Bush's helicopter disappearing into the sky. Thought "Thank God. The invasion is over." 3:35 PM Jan 20th |
| | secretsquirrel First thing I'd do if I was Obama? Change all the damn locks. 2:06 PM Jan 20th |
 | pinatubo2000 Son is in a time out, wailing, "I want my light saber." I think that's how Anakin Skywalker started down the path to the dark side 3:58 PM Jan 19th |
| | secretsquirrel Historians would later note that reactions were 'mixed' when Obama's first Presidential act was to 'declare a jihad on the economy'. 2:43 PM Jan 19th |
| | CcSteff Wore the same socks two days in a row. In my defense, change comes *tomorrow.* 2:08 PM Jan 19th |
 | rands Every time you say "blah blah blah", a creative writing teacher dies. 1:29 PM Jan 19th |
| | joeschmitt What time is it in Australia? Has Obama been inaugurated yet? 7:40 AM Jan 19th |
| | badbanana Warren Buffett says we're in an "economic Pearl Harbor." Which is really scary because that movie sucked. 5:55 AM Jan 19th |
| | bcompton These are my hiking shoes. I bought them when I still had to pretend to my future wife that I liked the things that she liked. Like hiking. 5:13 AM Jan 19th |
 | johnroderick Don't think of it that I'm not interested in marriage, but that I'm saving us both the expense of a protracted divorce three years from now. 5:12 PM Jan 18th |
 | adtothebone Just bought a watch on sale that's water resistant to 100m, so if I ever find myself down that deep, I'll know what time I died. 4:54 PM Jan 18th |
 | trelvix I have little interest in universal secrets or cloistered notions of God. I would welcome insight to "Chicken In A Biscuit" crackers though. 1:35 PM Jan 18th |
 | delfie As I consider substituting gummy bears for dried aprictots in a recipe, it occurs to me that I will probably never become a celebrity chef. 12:17 PM Jan 18th |
 | Just_Alison In an attempt to appear more aloof and mysterious, I will no longer be answering emails, text messages or phone calls. Carrier pigeons ONLY. 11:34 AM Jan 18th |
| | sween Yesterday, the bathroom sink was clogged. Today, the bathroom sink is unclogged. Proving once again: procrastination solves everything. 9:57 AM Jan 18th |
 | NikolHasler I just found a leg hair that is longer than my head hair. Is this called "Letting yourself go"? 7:20 AM Jan 18th |
| | badbanana I think I got -3 hours of sleep last night. 5:46 AM Jan 18th |
| | vmarinelli My littlest girl turns nine in a few weeks. I fear my days of her permitting me to call her "Pork Chop" are numbered. 3:08 PM Jan 17th |
 | livejamie A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. I'm currently sitting at my work station 3:03 PM Jan 17th |
 | BrentSpiner My brain has dried up for now. I'll be back later after I moisten it. 11:52 AM Jan 17th |
 | crispycracka If there's anything you want to know just ask. Unless it's creepy. Actually- ask me anyway, so I know you're creepy. 7:03 AM Jan 17th |
| | scottsimpson Don't you hate it when you walk into a room and can't remember what you're doing with your life? 9:26 PM Jan 16th |
 | twoname STILL GET FREAKED OUT WHEN THE AUSTRALIANS TWEET FROM THE FUTURE 12:32 PM Jan 16th |
| | bcompton I ran over a bird today on accident and felt really bad until I remembered about that plane crash. Then I felt RIGHTEOUS. 12:13 PM Jan 16th |
 | cockerham I was really impressed by Bush's farewell speech. He should have delivered that YEARS ago. 7:34 AM Jan 16th |
| | Remiel All my multimedia gadgets are failing me at once. I feel like a conductor whose entire orchestra has been replaced with kazoos. 6:14 AM Jan 16th |
 | antichrista In college, you're committed to changing the world. Several years later, you find yourself posting photos of your cat on the internet. 6:11 PM Jan 15th |
 | practicalwitch Oh puh-leez, you make one crack about going to hell and you lose followers? It's not like I was going to take you guys *with* me! 5:36 PM Jan 15th |
 | hoosiergirl My kid has 2 cavities & it's from chewy food like skittles, tootsie rolls, bubblegum & raisins. Don't look at me - I never give him raisins. 3:43 PM Jan 15th |
| | badbanana Bush is so not getting his damage deposit back. 4:12 PM Jan 15th |
 | shoesonwrong If there is a truer happiness than making teenagers feel uncomfortable by hovering near them in the condom aisle, I sure haven't found it. 2:31 PM Jan 15th |
| | Moltz The mob still holds the record for the number of bodies put into the Hudson. 8:11 AM Jan 17th |
 | jkottke When does America's "WAR ON GEESE" begin? We've been attacked! 3:10 PM Jan 15th |
| | badbanana Surviving a plane crash is one thing. Surviving exposure to the Hudson River is entirely another. 3:30 PM Jan 15th |
| | Moltz Fox now reporting that the geese simply slipped on life vests and disappeared into the crowd. Wild goose chase now underway. 12:46 PM Jan 15th |
 | jkrums http://twitpic.com/135xa - There's a plane in the Hudson. I'm on the ferry going to pick up the people. Crazy. 10:36 AM Jan 15th |
| | strutting I think a bathroom stall talker is a damn sight better than a bathroom tall stalker, though, @paige. 11:14 AM Jan 15th |
 | detweiler About to do one of those things that seems like a good idea at the time. 10:19 AM Jan 15th |
 | lonelysandwich Changed a tire in 31 minutes flat. Beat that, average 4th grader. 9:58 AM Jan 15th |
 | superfantastic Handbook says "Dress not for the job you have, but for where you want to be." Funny, I wouldn't have thought they'd want me wearing pajamas. 7:52 AM Jan 15th |
 |
gruber There's a high correlation between those people saying today that Apple is doomed and those who've been saying the same thing for 20 years. 7:01 AM Jan 15th |
| | badbanana Thanks to Facebook, I'm back in touch with people I lost touch with over the years because I didn't want to stay in touch. 5:37 AM Jan 15th |
| | secretsquirrel Okay, seriously: we need a totally different internet for moms to hang out on. 2:09 AM Jan 15th |
 | adamisacson Not looking forward to America entering a period of decline. Although, If 60s/70s Britain is any guide, the music is going to be terrific. 5:37 PM Jan 14th |
 | mrsmoltz Holy cannoli, I'm playing Monopoly with my 5-year-old and he is killing me. He has HOTELS. Preschoolers should not have HOTELS. 3:08 PM Jan 14th |
 | feliciaday Phone rang, almost picked it up: Caller ID sez DENTIST! Dodged a bullet there! 12:34 PM Jan 14th |
 | Tony_D I can't believe there are actually people on the Internet who disagree with my opinions about things. 10:13 AM Jan 14th |
| | god Sorry for the silence, had to reboot and my computer is really big. 10:10 AM Jan 14th |
 | sflovestory I'd like Apple to come out with iQuit. iWork is depressing. 6:33 PM Jan 13th |
 | thedayhascome If you're ever sent to prison, the lack of tattoos and constant sobbing will give you away, so just try to look tough and mention twitter. 5:23 PM Jan 13th |
 | nick After too much Twitter, I talk as if I have a very small character limit. It's been six months and none of my friends want to correct me. 4:33 PM Jan 13th |
 | lindstifa Called somebody on their home phone tonight. I repeat: on their *home* phone. 3:46 PM Jan 13th |
| | nick Many bloggers and writers hate Twitter because it's boring. Just like I hate basketballs because they never go into the hoop. 1:54 PM Jan 13th |
 | lefauxfrog Finally perfected the "throw dirty socks on cat so he gets annoyed and runs to washing machine before shaking them off" manuever. 1:49 PM Jan 13th |
| | nick Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. I wish, sir, that you would too. 1:26 PM Jan 13th |
| | hoosiergirl Just realized tomorrow's minor surgery involves me passed out and naked from the waist down. God, how I'd hoped those days were behind me. 11:41 AM Jan 13th |
 | EntropyAS My car has had so many repairs this month that you'd think that it was American-made. 11:03 AM Jan 13th |
 | dailylark @laineyjangles Your cat is called "Dailylark"? Sinister. Nomen est omen - could you not have called him "Weeklymouse"? 10:55 AM Jan 13th |
 | Kalli Unlike Windows Vista I only come in one version: Awesome. Ultimate just doesn't do me justice. 10:48 AM Jan 13th |
| | sween Office baby shower. 13 women and me. My clothes reek of biological clock. 9:57 AM Jan 13th |
| | adtothebone Mmmmm.... authentic chicken nachos, just like the Aztecs used to serve their prisoners before the human sacrifices to Huitzilopochtli. 9:45 AM Jan 13th |
 | johnmoe "Well, it's not THAT cold," said my 8-year-old son in minus 19 degrees. Viking blood in his veins. He's pillaging Saxony after school today. 7:58 AM Jan 13th |
 | msteciuk In Windows Vista, "Check for solutions online" translates into office-speak as "I'll look into it." Both mean "you're on your own". 7:52 AM Jan 13th |
 | Coudal Hmm. If the Citicorp and MorganStanley brokerage deal goes thru will the resulting company be called Citi Morg? 7:11 AM Jan 13th |
 | nostrich My flatmates being able to hear the crunch of missed notes on Guitar Hero from the kitchen rather undermines my excuses of "I'm busy". 6:34 AM Jan 13th |
 | zuhl Why won't you just love me for the person I purport to be? 6:11 AM Jan 13th |
 | wryredhead LADY. I am HANDING you the open door, not holding it open and lingering as you sashay through. 5:15 AM Jan 13th |
 | eyemadequiet Hi Humming-To-Your-Headphones-In-The-Locker-Room-Lady, Welcome to the Tone Deaf Club! We have tshirts and generally avoid singing in public. 4:23 AM Jan 13th |
| | joeschmitt Of course I'm not going to join your cult. I'm already in a cult. Maybe you've heard of it. It's called Twitter. 3:32 AM Jan 13th |
 | timbray Twitter is a conspiracy of pedants. I feel right at home. 12:35 PM Nov 20th, 2008 |
 | mammaloves 4 yo just got back from 1st day of pre-school (church-based). Said they talked about Baby Cheezit. 7:21 AM Jan 13th |
| | wryredhead Mouthbreathers who follow based on perceived avatar attractiveness astound me. Guys, it's 2009. Have you seriously not found the porn yet? 7:01 AM Jan 13th |
 | kariedwards My dog was upstairs watching The View. It's times like these that make me realise it's just not working out between the two of us. 6:54 AM Jan 13th |
 | mikemorrow Hey influx of new followers! I'm glad you're here. Where'd you come from? To mark tweets as read, just click that little yellow star. 2:15 PM Jan 11th |
 | adamisacson Almost 200 followers. That's 1 for every year from Christ's birth to Emperor Caracalla's reign. So. Nothing ahead but decline and Dark Ages. 2009-01-12 |
 | Moltz Being forced to put Italian dressing on my Greek salad. If it had turkey on it, I think I'd have the makings of a major Mediterranean war. 2009-01-12 |
 | sween Oh, America. Is Bush *still* your president? Tsk tsk. 2009-01-12 |
 | BrilliantOrange I love payday, because for a few days, I get to be a hundred-aire. 2009-01-12 |
 | practicalwitch Oh for the love of God, it's only 140 characters. Who the hell has writer's block for 140 characters? Um, me for one, obviously. 2009-01-12 |
 | anildash Today is my wife's birthday, the day each year when I must confront that she is both more mentally mature and younger-looking than me. 2009-01-12 |
 | thedayhascome Dear future fat self, I'm reminding you about your meaningless goal to "lose weight". How's it going fatty? Sincerely, Your past fat self 2009-01-12 |
 | joeschmitt If I may paraphrase for you: Grumble grumble grumble Monday. Something something coffee. Word word word zing! 2009-01-12 |
 | obxlaw Today I discovered that if you argue with the groceries in your shopping cart the checkout line magically clears. 2009-01-12 |
 | abigvictory When I call in sick tomorrow, should I be honest and say I have a Wiinjury, or fake something less embarrassing, like a herpes flareup? 3:20 PM Jan 11th |
 | MODAT Cleaned the blood off my car and found an eye patch in the grille. 2:13 PM Jan 11th |
 | patricknorton "just climbed on virgin, gotta go" probably not the best phrasing telling wife I'm getting on my Virgin America flight back to SFO. #CES 1:05 PM Jan 11th |
 | baileygenine morning twitter, or as i like to call you, my favorite family sitcom. 12:19 PM Jan 11th |
 | frostinglickr B-bsitting for @fourformom tonight. Packing some work, a book, a movie and duct tape. LOTS and LOTS of duct tape. 11:09 AM Jan 11th |
 | zuhl Wife made a New Year's resolution to "become more jaded & cynical."
She's an attorney, so she can even bill it as "professional development" 4:52 AM Jan 5th |
| | zuhl "Jon, I'm going to go put on my new G-string."
"Hey-o! Now we're talkin'!" Realized she's talking about her violin. Violinists are NOT funny 10:17 AM Dec 30th, 2008 |
 | dankaplan Long after the rats have surrendered the sewers to a post-apocalyptic army of mutant toddlers, the legend of Greenspan will live on. 2:29 PM Dec 28th, 2008 |
 | apelad Wife: "You need some sort of desk organization system" Me: "I do. Piles." 2:11 PM Jan 21st, 2008 |
| | Moltz Gum break. Chew it if you've got it. 11:02 AM Jan 2nd, 2008 |
 | badbanana I don't want flying cars! I don't need a car full of drunk teenagers crashing through my second floor bedroom at 2am. about 1 hour ago |
| | Moltz I'm holding most of my plan to save the economy until after January 20th, but I will let you in on 4 words: vanity social security numbers. about 5 hours ago |
 | CcSteff The rockin' praise band at your Six Flags Over Jesus church doesn't make your 13th century worldview progressive. about 6 hours ago |
 | bcompton My wife finally made a Facebook account, so ixnay on the acebookfay ingingsway. about 19 hours ago |
 | tj I will pay someone $100USD to programmatically disable the "Forward" button on my mother's email accounts. Must include work and home. about 19 hours ago |
 | nick To celebrate its purchase of the failed Washington Mutual bank, JP Morgan raised the rate on my deliquent credit card to 32%. Glad to help. about 22 hours ago |
 | tehawesome Look at all the typos in this wedding program! How are you two going to respect holy matrimony if you can't respect the English language?! about 24 hours ago |
| | thedayhascome I was never breast fed as a child which explains why I failed algebra and just ate an entire sleeve of Oreo cookies. 2:37 PM Jan 9th |
| | sween Ever reuse a tweet in regular conversation and try to pass it off as a spontaneous remark? The laughter tastes like ashes. 2:19 PM Jan 9th |
 | joeschmitt In the future robots will star in movies so good even the humans will cry. #wallE about 7 hours ago |
 | hoosiergirl Ex-friend's mom isn't speaking to me. Do I say her daughter's a lying bitch with no integrity or take the high road & just say lying bitch? about 8 hours ago |
| | badbanana I believe that children are our future. Teach them well and let them pay for the trillions in deficits we're about to rack up. 6:18 AM Jan 8th |
| | tehawesome If you think _Nude Descending a Staircase, No.2_ was ahead of its time, you should see DuChamp's _Nude Falling Down the Stairs LOL YouTube_. 5:24 AM Jan 8th |
 | joeschmidt It's fitting that the last three days of the work week are WTF. 4:38 AM Jan 7th |
 | strutting God, I'm glad I live in an era when we don't have to watch pornography on an original pornograph, all entering the URLs by rotary dial. 6:42 PM Jan 6th |
| | tehawesome How likely is it that potential employers will google my name and find my Twitter page? Tell me on a scale of 1 to Still Unemployed. 7:44 AM Jan 6th |
| | abigvictory Woman in 7-11 this morning spilled coffee, couldn't get the ATM to work, then set off her car alarm. Would laugh at her, but it was me. 3:11 AM Jan 6th |
 | nevenmrgan Now you know, and knowing is half the battle. The other half is doing it, and that half is 90% of the battle. 8:35 PM Jan 5th |
| | badbanana After a 12 day break, you'd think I'd feel more refreshed. Then again, you'd think I would have taken more showers. 3:31 PM Jan 4th |
 | gknauss I tripped, and a sharp corner just missed the iPhone in my pocket and deeply gouged my leg. Thank God. 5:13 PM Jan 3rd |
| | strutting Click the star next to this tweet to check out a funny blog I wrote about you! 1:55 PM Jan 3rd |
 | pagecrusher Attending my high school sweetheart's wedding today. My gift to the bride: not asking her parents and the groom why her dress is white. 5:30 AM Jan 3rd |
| | CcSteff Watching my mom spin, weave, knit, sew and quilt, it becomes apparent that women have been engineers in disguise for thousands of years. 3:56 PM Jan 2nd |
 | ttseco I'm thinking of illegally downloading Pirates of the Caribbean just for the irony. 8:40 AM Jan 1st |
| | gknauss Well, I think we can all agree that 2009 sure a disappointment so far. 11:04 PM Dec 31st, 2008 |
 | mogrify We are clinging to the surface of a giant, hot rock, which is hurtling through space around a massive ball of fire. And we are still alive. 7:26 PM Dec 31st, 2008 |
| | CcSteff Kids are complaining that I take too long counting for hide and seek. It's because I'm eating their snack while they hide. 4:20 PM Dec 31st, 2008 |
| | bcompton I'm thinking about starting a blog in 2009 but I'm not sure the internet is really the place for all of my cat pictures. 4:07 PM Dec 31st, 2008 |
| | gknauss Carrying bags of groceries to the car, "Ewok Celebration" came on the iPod. Had to bang my head aginst a wall until the earbuds fell out. 4:38 PM Dec 30th, 2008 |
 | torrez Disaster! Post roast! Oven mitts! Smoke! Thai Food Delivery. 2009-01-03 |
| | badbanana The world's oldest woman died today. No cause of death was listed, so I assume she lost a knife fight with the world's second oldest woman. 2009-01-03 |
 | HotAmishChick Passing the time reading Bible. You ever read this thing? MESSED. UP. 2009-01-02 |
followed by...... | |
 | secretsquirrel @HotAmishChick Spoiler alert: Jesus dies. 2009-01-02 |
 | Jessabelle207 Just got a call from my mother, excited about joining Facebook after seeing it on the Today show. Thanks for ruining my life, Lester Holtz! 2009-01-02 |
 | TBMimsTheThird I think that if we could understand why sad songs made us feel better, we'd be close enough to shake hands with the meaning of life. 2009-01-02 |
 | texburgher Overheard last night at the Large Hadron Collider: I sure hope this 2009 doesn't end up like the last 2009 did. 2:10 PM Jan 1st |
| | ttseco I'm thinking of illegally downloading Pirates of the Caribbean just for the irony. 8:40 AM Jan 1st |
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